p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
