Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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