what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
