we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
