You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize