So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
