I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Princesses don't give blow jobs
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
