Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The power of my boobs compel you
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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