I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
someone threw a dead crab at me
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
it hurts more in the daytime
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
