Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
