GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
