I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
