You're my little dorito
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
