Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he fucked my hip out of place.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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