i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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