you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
