My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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