Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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