lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
