Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
