If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize