Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
