Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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