I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
