Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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