I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
