When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
