The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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