its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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