You work out of a Hotel?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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