we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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