She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
