his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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