I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize