My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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