on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My ass is underappreciated
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
