she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
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I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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