there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
