Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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