In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
