You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
