lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
