This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
