Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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