I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
