i think my mom watched the whole time
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
