Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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