I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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