That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
