The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
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