Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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