its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm getting married
To pizza
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
