Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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