oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
MIDGETS
????
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
