matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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