The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize