just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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