vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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