I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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