But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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