Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
