Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
