Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
