This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize