There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
