Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
