Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
