She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize