The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
