you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
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