dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
