Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You ate ashes out of my bong
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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