i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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