There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
