this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize