So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
