I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
