So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize