I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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