So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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