Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Four minutes until I can fart!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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