ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
