As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We got so high we made milksteak
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
