Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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