She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
