all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
last night I used snow as a chaser
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
